Psychological Bruises

By Maria Zuccarelli, with the advice of Dr. Giacomo De Vincenzi, specializing in Sports Psychology and Human Resources Management

Dr. Giacomo De Vincenzi volunteered at the "Associazione Centro AN.VI." Center in Milan. From this experience, he brought back a sense of sadness that he can’t shake, considering how human beings "get used" to the most painful situations, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, often hiding discomfort and pain. Today, we want to ask him some tough questions:

Why is it that in Italy, every other day, a woman is killed by her husband, boyfriend, or ex-partner?
And above all, why does a woman, at the first signs of violence, even verbal, rather than definitively distancing herself from her partner, worry about finding a new excuse to tell colleagues, friends, and children to justify bruises and beatings? The truth is that these relationships are unhealthy from the start. They are relationships not based on mutual care and affection, but rather on the man’s constant claim of possession over the woman.

Femicide is the leading—and I repeat, leading—cause of death worldwide among women between the ages of sixteen and 42, yet despite this, the problem is too often silenced, kept in the dark by the victims themselves, who suffer serious psychological consequences from domestic violence.

Why do women who consistently suffer violence begin to lose self-esteem, a sense of self, to the point of losing their grasp on reality?

Abused women experience feelings of guilt toward their partners, and by working with them continuously, we can understand how they feel responsible for the relationship and tend to shoulder the burden of its failure when it ultimately ends. When they turn to institutions or support organizations, their enormous distrust of the professionals is evident. This caution is often associated with shame in asking for help, which is perceived as a kind of betrayal of one’s partner, a sneaky and wrong act.

Their stories almost always reveal an attitude of unconditionally justifying their husband’s behavior. Every abused woman ends up almost blaming herself for the violence. And this is precisely what demonstrates how theirs has been completely trampled upon. The battered woman’s integrity is so devastated that it prevents her from reacting to the violence in any way.

Another aspect of great importance is the ambiguity, as the violence is perpetuated in an emotional-family relationship, causing the woman to experience enormous confusion that results in dissociative symptoms, light-headedness, emotional impoverishment, and the inability to react in any way.

What is the evidence of this marked loss of self-esteem? What does it mean? How can it be recovered?
The increasingly evident loss of self-esteem is manifested through insomnia, tachycardia, depression, gastrointestinal disorders, and generalized anxiety.

A defense system that is triggered in women who experience the trauma of violence is emotional withdrawal, the "feeling of not having feelings," and an affectivity deficit.

Working with abused women, we note a common denominator: a chilling facial inexpressiveness, which is also reflected in a profound detachment in their stories.

Their own perspective is lost: the girls struggle to express themselves, to state their opinions, and they are careful about what they say and to whom they say it. They have now internalized their tormentor’s point of view, and thus come into contact with the world through their partner’s feelings and desires.
And it is precisely from this point that we must work to help the abused person emerge from the tunnel of violence: so that they can regain their own perspectives, desires, and sense of reality. It’s necessary to work on small, achievable goals to help women regain their self-esteem.

If we don’t work on their sense of reality, we won’t be able to help them understand the gravity of the situation, risking it escalating tragically.

To ensure that their sense of reality and awareness of what is happening aren’t completely lost, public support, awareness, commitment, and action are vital.

Something is changing: women are increasingly speaking out, and institutions are taking an interest. Companies like Equilibra are working on projects that have an impact on Italy. People are taking decisive action to raise awareness and stem a phenomenon that is the leading cause of death among young women.